Thursday, July 17, 2008

This Isn’t What We’re Looking For

I’ve collected numerous rejections of various forms from editors and agents, and there’s a certain phrase that comes up often. The common form of the phrase is: “This isn’t what we’re looking for at this time.” I have some ideas as to what this response might mean:

1. Stories with poor grammar, inconsistent characters and a confusing plot don’t match up with what we’re publishing at the moment.
2. You didn’t read our guidelines, but there’s no point in telling you that.
3. I didn’t read this, but with that stupid title, do you blame me?
4. I’d rather not stain our issue with your name.
5. Five minutes ago, I’d have sent you a contract for publication. Unfortunately, it’s now the hour of rejection.
6. I’m waiting for Stephen King to submit something.
7. I can’t make any money with this crap you sent me.
8. We had fifty submissions this month, and they all looked like variants of your story, as well as the works of J.R.R. Tolkien.
9. I only have enough room left in this issue for 2100 words, and those words will come from me.

10. I’m trying to find stories about monkey ninjas exploring outer space. But not like the one you submitted.

1 comment:

James Enge said...

These were hilarious!

Have you seen this video? I feel like that a lot.